One year has past since I lost my father and this is going to be an emo post so if you don't want to read this don't
I'm posting as if this were an LJ I don't have one but I'm an artist and emotions rule me. My father was never in my life a lot of the time and when he was he tired his best but because of his history and losing his parents when he did and the actions of his family after losing his parents he was became very messed up emitionaly and self destructive which resulted in him taking his own life one year ago yesterday.
After losing him I feel like a hole inside me closed and another opened, I was able to forgive him for so much and became upset and sad about other things. I don't deal with these emotions and after a year still haven't. I had some amazing friends that were there for me and some who pretended to be.
A person acts weird and strange when you tell them someone's taken their life, I've been told its to much for no-professionals to deal with and that I should seek professional help because no one else is capable of handling it. You know what it's not hard to be there for a person if you want to be, and you didn't loose the person and I hope no one has to lose a person the way I did but suck it up, you make the decision to be uncomfortable with something that dosent effect you.
I had a few people in my life pull some real bullshit after it happened and you know what I'm stronger because I worked hared and kept it all in but your bull was not appreciated.
I also want people to stop telling me I'm a strong person it makes me feel incapable of breaking down, I feel like these expectations have been placed on me and I can't let go. I am strong but that's because I've had to be and I'm tired
this is the end of my rant I wrote this to let go of something's, I don't want to hear this is inappropriate or unprofessional I let how I felt out and there's nothing wrong with that
To my Dad I miss and Love you and I forgive you [link]